7 Ways To Stop Being A ‘Nice Guy’ That Women Despise
This may shock you, but women secretly hate ‘nice guys’.
I mean they despise them. They have no attraction for them, and the laugh at them behind their backs.
Seriously, I had no idea about this until I started reading women’s romance novels (you might laugh at me – but these are goldmines of female sexual psychology).
In nearly every book, the attractive female would have some nice guy beta male who would try to do everything he could to woo and attract her.
I hate to spoil the punchline: but it never worked.
She would always talk about how she just saw him ‘as a friend’ and that ‘nothing serious’ would ever happen between them.
Invariably the nice guy would be crushed. He’d be broken, and become sad and vengeful.
The woman in the story would then always fall for some mysterious bad boy. The stranger from out of town.
He’d be wild, and dangerous, manly and masculine.
He probably had scars, or war wounds, he’d be damaged in some way – but the more damaged he was, the more attractive he became to her.
Seriously, read some romance novels, the women in the stories always laugh behind the nice guys back, and they enjoy making him suffer and squirm in pain.
Women love to toy with nice guys, and nice guys are too timid and ‘nice’ to ever push back and resist.
If you want to be attractive to women, and you want women to be into you – you need to learn to grow a pair and stop being such a f*cking nice guy.
Here are 7 nice guy traps that most men are guilty of falling into. My goal here is to open your eyes to the reality, then give you the tools to start improving your life.
Nice Guy Trap #1 : Always says ‘yes’.
The nice guy says ‘yes’ to everything.
He never says no. He’s too afraid to say no.
I’ll give you a quick personal example – in order to write this blog – I had to say no to a lot of things – my friends wanted to hang out, I said no, my dad wanted to spend time together, I said no, my agency wanted to keep me shackled to my desk, I said no.
Get used to saying no.
If you want to accomplish anything meaningful in your life, you’re going to have to start saying no a lot.
Now if possible, give people a reason and help them to understand why you’re saying no.
If you just say ‘no’ with no explanation, you sound like an a**hole and people will assume you don’t like them.
But if you say “look I’d really love to hangout with you, but I’ve started a new project and I’m really serious about it right now. This is not a good time to hangout, but why don’t we reconnect in a few months?”
That allows you so say no, but also shows the other person you care and allows them the chance to save face.
Handled like a true professional.
Nice Guy Trap #2 : Always Eager To Help
The quintessential ‘nice guy’ is always eager to help.
Whether she needs a drive across town, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to chew off – women have a whole lot of needs in their lives, and she’ll be more than happy to take advantage of a poor ‘nice guy’ who is only to eager to help.
Of course the nice guy feels so incredibly starved of female attention, that he is absolutely thrilled at any little scrap of attention she scrapes off her plate and dumps on the floor for him to lap up.
This is one of the problems with nice guys, they’re so incredibly spineless, gutless and insecure, that he will put up with anything to be validated by her.
And this speaks to the bigger problem: he is unable to self-validate.
He needs the attention and validation of women to feel like he’s whole.
And this only leads him to degrade himself to get any little attention that he can.
So whenever she needs something – and often that’s a shoulder to cry on, he’s right there with the chocolates and chilled sauvignon blanc.
He wants his sweetums to feel good and whole and looked after.
Because if he treats her right, there’s a chance he just might get his dick wet.
Unfortunately, what our poor man does not realise is that she has zero attraction for him, but more on that below.
Nice Guy Trap #3 : Being Too Available
Nice Guys love being too available, and this is an extension of being too eager to help.
See, Nice Guys don’t really have anything going on in their lives. Sure, they go to school, and probably has a job (a corporate job that he hates, but is too pussy to leave of course), but beyond that he doesn’t really have any hobbies or things to keep him busy.
He’s not really in any clubs, doesn’t have much in terms of friends, isn’t in the gym – essentially – doesn’t have any major life projects that he’s working on.
A true alpha male has a core life mission that drives him, and any spare moment that he possibly can, is spent working towards and building that life mission.
Life missions take an extreme amount of time, energy and commitment, for years and years on end.
True Alpha Males hate being distracted. They hate when people call them up and randomly need a shoulder to cry on.
“No thank you, I’m too busy” the Alpha Male says, and he gets on with his life.
The nice guy beta male of course jumps on the opportunity and says “I’ll be right over!”.
He was so bored with having nothing to do in his life, that he was grateful that suddenly he had the opportunity to be useful.
Of course every man wants to feel useful. But the Alpha Male has a way of making himself useful. The Beta Male Nice Guy needs other people to allow himself to feel useful.
So of course, because he has nothing really going on in his life – he’s more than happy to come over so she can cry her eyes out, and complain about ‘Ryan’ who stuck it in her ass, came in her eye, then never called her again.
Jeeze, what an asshole.
Nice Guy Trap #4 : Doesn’t Respect Himself
The Nice Guy just straight up does not respect himself.
He’s spineless, gutless, and directionless.
His only goal is to please others.
He wants to make sure that everyone else in the room is perfectly comfortable, that no one ever experiences any moments of unhappiness or discomfort.
He lives to serve and please others.
But he’s never learned to serve and please himself.
He’s never learned to respect himself.
The Alpha Male loves himself.
Not in an arrogant way – but in a way that conveys that he’s proud of what he’s accomplished in his life.
He knows deep down that he’s accomplished a lot of great things in his life – and he knows that his contributions have been received and respected by society.
The nice guy has no self respect.
He’s always saying ‘yes dear’ and ‘okay dear’, and ‘I just want you to be happy dear’, and ‘you’re the boss dear’ and ‘whatever you say dear’ and ‘where would you like to eat dinner dear’.
He’s subservient. He’s weak. He defers to others, and expects others to lead him.
He’s afraid to take the reigns and control the destiny of his own life.
So he’s constantly disrespecting himself, to make sure that others are always happy.
Nice Guy Trap #5 : Afraid To Be Decisive
By having a lack of any self respect, and always working to serve others – the Nice Guy is completely incapable of being decisive.
In fact, he’s afraid of being decisive.
Being decisive means making decisions, and making decisions means that other people might be unhappy.
What will his girlfriend think? What will his wife think? What will his mother think?
The nice guy lives to please his mother. And when he gets a girlfriend or wife, she becomes a substitute mother.
The nice guy needs his girlfriend or wife to comfort him, to take care of him, to feed him – the nice guy is completely incapable of looking after and taking care of himself.
His girlfriend will eventually get sick of him and start to feel literally nauseous around him – because the LAST thing she wants is to feel like she’s mothering a small child, when he’s supposed to be a strong and capable sexual companion.
And that’s an important point that most nice guys forget: if you’re not decisive, she’s not getting wet.
That doesn’t mean you need to be an arrogant dictator – but you need to be able to make decisions – to lead her on the date, to show her a good time and then lead her back to the bedroom.
It’s your ability to make decisions and lead her that turns her on.
But Nice Guys are too afraid to make decisions – because “well what if she doesn’t like it?”.
Boo hoo – enjoy crying into your pillow tonight.
Nice Guy Trap #6 : Tries Too Hard To Be Nice
This is one that even makes me cringe.
True nice guys try way too hard to be nice.
Like they seriously overdo it.
Nice guys put on these fake smiles, and are overly enthusiastic, and are always available to help, and always there if you need a shoulder to cry on.
And more than that – they are always trying to maintain the facade of being a nice guy. Which means he also makes a point of distancing himself from any assholes and talking about how he’s not ‘like other men’, and he doesn’t understand why ‘men are such pigs’.
But it’s all an illusion.
And a pretty bad one at that – he’s not really fooling anyone – she sees right through it.
She knows that he’s just playing a part and wearing a mask – but she doesn’t care – she has her chauffeur to drive her around town.
Nice Guy Trap #7 : Afraid To Be Independent
And now we get to the crux of it – the Nice Guy is ultimately too afraid to be independent.
He NEEDS the approval and validation of others – especially women.
He’s too afraid to step out into the world, to go travel, to see new places, to meet new people.
He’s definitely too afraid to quit his corporate job that he hates so much.
Even though he hates his boss and how ‘mean and controlling’ she is – he would never have the balls to actually up and quit his job.
Not only is he afraid that he might never get a job again – because ‘what will they say when they see big gaps in my resume!’, but he’s also afraid of offending his current managers and bosses.
He’s afraid to lose his dental and medical coverage – what if he gets a toothache! The world is scary – and it feels so much safe when you’ve got a great dental plan to help you to sleep well at night.
Also – he’s afraid that he could never make it as a business owner – it is just so competitive out there! There are so many MEAN business owners who only care about MONEY!
I mean can’t these business owners just grow up and be more concerned about helping people and being good to society?
Of course, he’s just afraid because he know that he doesn’t have what it takes.
He knows that if he tried to start a business he’d be absolutely slaughtered, because he doesn’t have the balls to truly stand up for himself.
So to ease away the pain, the nice guy sips his white zinfandel and stays in his safe corporate cocoon.
The Alpha Male just smiles to himself – at least he knows he’ll have one few business to compete with.
BONUS Nice Guy Trap: Tries To ‘Friend’ His Way Into Bed
This is the cringiest and we saved the best for last.
The problem with most nice guys, is they believe they can ‘nice their way into bed’.
As in, they believe if they can just be nice enough, and helpful enough, and available enough, and smile enough – that eventually he will accumulate enough ‘sex credits’, that he can redeem and she will provide him with sex.
I had to break it to you bud – but it doesn’t work that way.
There are no sex credits.
She is not an arcade game.
If ever you try to nice your way into bed, he legs will slam shut tighter than the security at Fort Knox.
She’ll feel your energy, and it will feel creepy af.
Because she knows that you’re too afraid to say what you want.
And this is the painful irony of nice guys – they are too afraid to say what they want, so they don’t get what they want.
But the guy who is out and proud, and isn’t afraid to say what he wants, she will respect more, and give him what he wants.
See how this works? See the painful irony?
Simply because the nice guy is too afraid to say what he wants, he doesn’t get what he wants.
If he just had the balls to say it, he would get what he wanted.
Never, ever, try to friend your way into bed.
She will smell it a mile away, and it will instantly turn her off.
Instead, respect yourself, live a life that you’re fucking proud of, be independent, and let your energy radiate so brightly, that she’s the one who just starts slipping her skirt off…
If you’ve been a nice guy your whole life, you’ve probably started to believe women are these non-sexual angels.
Hate to burst your bubble, but women are extremely sexual.
And if you’re an Alpha Male and she’s attracted to you, she’ll be itching to get naked to feel your rough stubble against her smooth skin.