Impotent Men: How To Heal Wounded Masculine Energy
Let’s be real for a second – this is a sensitive subject that needs the utmost care and respect.
My goal here is to share from my own knowledge and experience in understanding of how to heal the wounded masculine.
We’ll explore wounded masculine energy, how it ties into the father wound, and ultimately how to become a strong and fearless man who isn’t afraid to take on the world.
To drive this point home, this podcast by Leeor Alexandra details exactly how to become more magnetic through integrating your masculine and feminine energies with Aaron Doughty
What Is Wounded Masculine Energy?
Strong masculine energy is certain and determined. Wounded masculine energy is scattered and unsure. It is drifting without any real purpose or clarity. Wounded masculine energy may originate from a childhood trauma, including a deep father wound or mother wound, however it can be more complicated than that.
What Does Masculine Energy Mean?
Feminine energy lives in the moment, masculine energy lives in the future. Masculine energy plans ahead to predict future danger. Masculine energy is leadership, certainty and confidence. It is willing to suffer pain today to enjoy pleasure tomorrow. Masculine energy can be developed many ways.
Feeling impotent or like you’ve got low masculine energy? This video by Teachingmensfashion explains exactly how to kickstart your masculine energy and reclaim your power:
9 Signs Of Wounded Masculine Energy
You Seek Approval From Women
A wounded masculine likely didn’t have strong male role models growing up, so instead he latched on to female role models: his mother, his sister, the girls at school. The wounded masculine looks to the feminine for guidance and leadership, afraid to bring it out within himself. He lives for the validation of women.
You Feel An Intense Level Of Shame About Being A Man
Masculinity has been branded as an evil energy: destructive and harmful. Without positive role models, the wounded masculine feels shame about becoming a man, because he doesn’t want to become like ‘those bad men’. So he hides his masculinity and embraces his femininity. Unfortunately, like it or not, the world needs strong masculine energy.
You Prefer A Life Of Comfort
The boy will forever hide a way in a life of comfort. The Peter Pan Syndrome – fly away to Neverland. Being a man means facing a constant onslaught of discomfort, but who would want that when they can drown out their fears with endless video games, alcohol and porn? Discomfort has become obsolete. Or has it? Remember that true respect is earned through battle scars and blood, sweat and tears.
You Feel Lost And Directionless
Strong masculine energy is clear and focused. He knows exactly what he needs to do, and he gets it done whether he feels like it or not. Wounded masculine energy is weak, directionless, scattered. Why are lasers so powerful? They are concentrated beams of energy. Wounded masculine energy is diffuse, it shoots off in all directions without having any clear focus or aim. It exerts a lot of energy, without getting anything meaningful accomplished.
You View Men As Violent And Aggressive
This is the classic problem with masculinity. We focus all our attention on the bad side – the violence, the aggression, the destruction, but we conveniently leave out all the positives. Therefore many young boys (and girls) grow up to view masculinity as this bad and evil force. So boys act like girls – they avoid the masculine callings within each of them. But when men refuse to be men, who protects the village when true evil comes?
You Are Afraid Of Your Own Power
Raw masculine power is scary. It has so much potential for evil and destruction. But you have two choices: you can either run from your power, or you can step boldly into the ring and you can conquer your power. Like Luc Skywalker learning the force – you must understand your power. Otherwise, your fears will always have power over you. Will you stand and fight or run like a coward? Because if you run, you’ll be running for a long time.
You Avoid Taking Responsibility
Strong masculine energy takes responsibility. It is not afraid of being wrong, because it understands that it can correct and do better next time. Everyone makes mistakes, and that’s fine. But when you take responsibility you are demonstrating to the world that you are willing take your punishment as a man. Why does that matter? Because it gives the world an opportunity to respect you. The wounded masculine is a coward, and nobody respects a coward.
You Are Not Certain Who You Are
It takes time to become a strong masculine and truly understand who you are. However the wounded masculine is not interested in understanding who he is. He would rather hide away and bury his head in the sand. The strong masculine bravely steps forward into the unknown to discover who he is. He knows that it will not be an easy journey, and that life will again and again tear him to shreds. But the strong masculine laughs in the face of danger – he loves a challenge.
You Don’t Do The Work
The wounded masculine does not do the work. He is scattered and unfocused, and is unable to complete tasks. The work could be chopping wood to cook dinner that night, or the work could be writing a novel or the work could be building a digital empire – it doesn’t matter the specifics of what the work is – but the strong masculine will show up day after day to get the work done. Whether he feels like it or not, he knows that he has only one job to do: to get the work done.
“If I can be categorized as anything, it is that I love women more than anything in this world” – Zan Perrion.
This is a longer video by Zan but I can’t recommend it enough. In it, Zan demonstrates to men how their masculine energy is the secret to attracting beautiful women:
How Do You Know If You Have Masculine Energy? 11 Signs You Do:
Most men stay as far away from their masculine energy as they can. But what are the signs that you’ve actually embraced and integrated your masculine energy in a healthy and productive way? Here are the signs:
- You know who you are
- You know what you need to do each day
- You speak confidently, and with clarity
- You are at ease with yourself
- You’re not afraid to say no
- You put your life first
- You have an unrelenting will to keep fighting
- You’re willing to sacrifice and live through pain today, to be more powerful tomorrow
- You bring a calming energy to every room you’re in
- You’re not afraid to show up, and penetrate life
- Women are unconsciously attracted to you
Zan Perrion is a legend and a mentor of mine that I highly look up to and respect. In this video Zan breaks down the characteristics of the masculine energy of men who adore women:
Iron John Robert Bly Summary:
Iron John is a seething indictment of modern western society and the inability or unwillingness of fathers to initiate boys into men. Boys need strong masculine role models, or they will revert to destruction and tearing down society. Robert Bly has become a critical figurehead in the growing men’s movement.
This video by ThinkBigAnimation gives an excellent animated introduction to Iron John, by exploring how the young boy lost his golden ball and his youth, and how it set him off on his quest to uncover his masculinity:
In this short video, Jennifer Moleski explores what it means to be a man in modern society through the lens of Iron John, and how the loss of initiation has left our boys feeling lost and uncertain of themselves.
Signs Of Masculine Energy:
Masculine energy is characterized as assertive, dominant, and sometimes violent. A Type A personality. The Boss. Signs of masculine energy are that you polarize and you aggravate people, but on the flip side you get stuff done. Masculine energy is the unrelenting drive to take care of business, no matter the cost.
Wounded Masculine Energy In A Female
Wounded masculine energy in girls developed as a result of growing up without a strong and caring male role model in their lives. Without masculine support and validation, she then either overcompensated in developing her own masculine energy, or was forever seeking the validation of boys to like her.
This video by Miss Feminine highlights the 7 habits of highly masculine women, and how you can draw out more of your feminine energy if you find your overly masculine energy is repelling men:
Masculine Energy Signs:
In astrology, masculine energy signs are represented by the Air and Fire signs: Aquarius, Libra, Gemini, Sagittarius, Leo and Aries. By contrast the feminine energy signs are the Water and Earth signs: Pisces, Scorpio, Cancer, Capricorn, Virgo and Taurus. Masculine signs are active, while feminine are passive.
Additionally, this video by AstroLada shows how using astrology you can see the signs of whether or not you have masculine energy, and to be able to identify whether you’re more masculine or feminine:
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to be masculine or feminine – and these energies are separate from the sexes of men and women. Meaning that men can embrace their feminine side, and women their masculine.
However as someone who felt gender confusion much of his life, I can definitively say now as a man in his mid thirties, that embracing my masculine has helped me to live a deeper and more fulfilling life, and connect better with women.
There is masculine and feminine polarity for a reason – whether we like it or not, yin and yang balance is a part of all of us. It is neither good nor bad, it just is.
Much of political correctness is about trying to pretend our biology doesn’t exist. We can try all we want, but eventually the truth will always win.
As Dr. Malcolm in Jurassic Park said: “Life always finds a way”.
Biology will eventually catch up to us – so what exactly are we running from?
To your success and your journey,
ps – for more resources on healing masculine wounds, you may find these articles helpful: